Re-emerging and returning to center.
It's been eleven days since we sat the children down to tell them that their grandma passed. Eleven days, since I couldn't find the words. Not knowing what to say as my husband struggled to digest the sudden passing of his mama. Knowing that this was not about me. I allowed myself to feel my heart break, to mourn a second mother, a dear friend, someone who has given so much for our joy and happiness.
I allowed myself to take comfort in the little things that I could do to care for them.
With the my knife on the cutting board, the rhythmic slicing of the vegetables, the over powering aroma as the onions slowly came into their full sweetness, creating nourishing meals for my family. Sometimes I forget how healing this is for me. How much it nourishes me.
Over the whirlwind of days that followed, the sacred was present in every step. Deep hugs, cousins laughter, the coming together of family from all corners of the country. Watching the children play, joyfully with one another, even at the funeral home, stopping every so often to check in with their "Nina", as she was dubbed many years ago by our oldest. They would stop and caress her arm, lay flowers on her chest. I don't believe that I have ever seen something quite as magnificent.
And now we return, alters and flowers of remembrance. We lay our heads on our own pillows, re-emerge into the routine of our life.
Remembering the steps from before she was gone. Picking up the pieces of a long trip away, comforting the tantrums, and the rhythmic slicing on the cutting board.
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