allowing the procrastinator a break.
Yesterday I dressed up as the procrastinator. I spent all day in my pjs, bopping around the house, looking for something else to do. Something that would keep me from completing a long desired project.
To be truthful, I've been procrastinating this project for the last 4 years. I knew that I had it in me, I knew that I had an incredible desire to put it out there, but I just wasn't ready.
I used to think that this procrastinator was doing me harm. It was that piece of me that I would poke fun at, but in all actuality procrastinating was causing me guilt.
Today I embrace this part of me.
A piece that resides on my dark side.
I shine light on my procrastinator and I love it.
I wasn't ready. I wasn't ripe. The procrastinator gave me time to marinate, to develop, evolve, to blossom inside my cocoon. Today, I give thanks for the time that my procrastinator has given me.
One month ago today my procrastinator stepped aside. Not for good, but for several days. In that time, I made a commitment to myself. It was time to move forward. To take action. Time to put myself out there. I began writing. I looked in the mirror and saw all that I had to offer and feel in love with that piece of me.
Over the course of the last month the procrastinator has occasionally demanded that I put on the procrastinator clothes, but this time, the inspired, driven, empowered entrepreneur demands time in charge.
This morning I met with a few of the ladies in my power tribe. We discussed what motivates us to take action. What REALLY drives us. I've thought about this a million times before, but today something clicked.
For the last few years, I desired with every cell in my body to move back to the desert. When it didn't happen this fall I allowed myself to feel the full range of emotions, heartbreak, anger, sadness, confusion at why I was to remain here.
I refused, however, to allow myself to feel like a victim. Instead I looked at what I missed from living in Arizona and decided to bring it into my life right here.
Here is what I came up with:
a community that felt like family.
a community who supported one another in parenting
a community that was in walking distance
moving my body outside more frequently
a connection to Spirit that I have never experienced at any other point in my life
the magnitude and expansion of the desert
feeling healthy and vibrant
But today, as I sat with my sisters, I was encouraged to expand that vision. And as I looked deeper, beyond the superficial, I realized that what I truly loved about the desert was that I was able to be my authentic self. I felt love and internal power that I had never experienced before. Residing in my heart was the whole of the universe.
And then something almost magical happened. I found my deepest desire. My "WHY". What drives me forward in my work.
I realized that my deepest desire is to live in my authentic self. To empower other women to return to whole and live in their authentic self. And this, this can be done from anywhere.
Today I dressed up in the clothes of the coach, the writer and the healer. Today I am inspired to move forward and share my authentic self. Today I dressed up in my motivated and moving forward clothes and pushed through. Today I completed compiling my very first 6 week program! Today I have made it to the other side.
Today I commit to myself and I commit to you.
For both of us, I will always strive to be my most authentic self. To be fully and completely me. From the depths of my being. And I commit to empower you in any way that I can, to support you in returning to whole and empowering you to live in your most authentic self.
Now and always, I am
Embracing your SoulShine,